Nothing Else Until

I've started to notice how quickly my morning can disappear.

Not to bad things — to fine things. A message I want to respond to. A news article. The dishes. Someone else's energy entering the room. All of it fine, none of it mine, and suddenly the window of “a spacious morning, just for me, before the day gets going” is gone.

My housekeeper comes on Sundays and Thursdays at 8 am. She's quiet and easy to be around and I love how she transforms my home. But there's an energy shift when another person is in the space — even a good person, even someone I like. 

My aunt said something similar recently: if she doesn't meditate before her husband gets up, she just doesn't do it. His energy shifts things.

When my daughter gets on the bus and no one else is here, I have about three hours that belong only to me. That's my creative window. That’s my selfcare window. 

I cannot open channels and let other energy in first. That's when I need to protect my focus and center myself.

I looked at a news article while journaling yesterday morning and somehow ended up three layers deep in the latest on Jared Kushner and then three layers deeper on some crazy new brainwashing cult. 

When you open one channel, you open all of them. Pour into yourself first.

But, how?

For me that's five things: yoga, meditation, a walk, working out, and writing. 

On my best days, nothing else gets done until those are checked off. I can tidy up or respond to some messages between the seventeen times I rouse Izzy out of bed and getting her on the bus — that time is fine for that. But once she's gone, nothing else until I've done my five things.

I am not saying I always get to those five things. I’m saying when I do, it’s magic.

The creative work will not fight for itself — I have to fight for it. The care of my physical body has to come from me. The space to pour into my mental health is mine to make.

My schedule is about to get disrupted — tomorrow my daughter starts a four week break (chalk it up to attending a school that observes Eid, British Spring Break, Easter, and Orthodox Easter). Four weeks. If you are a working parent, you know.

That means now is exactly not the time to be loose with my mornings. 

Now is the time to make sure I'm prioritizing what actually matters.

The disruption is coming whether I'm ready or not. 

I'd rather meet it with something solid in place.