Perimenopause is NOT My Friend Episode 8: We Don’t Have Time For This

The other morning (before I got on MHT) I dropped my daughter off at a friend’s house for a playdate. The mom — we’ll call her H — and I have known each other for the three years our kids have been in school together. She invited me in for coffee, but I declined. I had just woken up from a two-hour nap to stave off a migraine.

"Perimenopause is making me so much less productive," I added.

And she went quiet in that way that told me she's either in the same camp or circling it.

"I don't know if I'm in perimenopause or whatever," she said, rolling her eyes and dismissing the idea with a flick of her wrist. "I haven't looked into it. I'm not really sure what it even is."

And then she said, "It's really the depression that's getting to me. I've never been depressed before. I've just been depressed for about a year now."

And yet she hasn't looked into it.

And I don't blame her for that. She's got a very busy career. She's got two kids. A husband who travels a lot for his own very busy career. A big spread-out family. Aging parents.

Life is busy.

Especially busy taking care of other people.

But how busy do we have to be to not address a year's worth of depression? 

Is it all due to being busy? Or is it equal parts busy and being women in a patriarchy that habitually ignores our experience?

Can you imagine how incredible we could be if we just knew what was happening to us? If we weren't walking around thinking this was just life now — that we were just tired, just sad, just less than we used to be?

If we had resources and a clear path forward?

So many women don’t even know that menopause is something that each and every one of us will experience. So many women don’t address their symptoms because they are busy. So many women get overwhelmed and confused by the conflicting, scarce, and unfounded information that exists on the topic that they throw their hands up and walk away.

So many women suffer silently because generations past were forced to. Because they don’t want to be told it’s all in their head. Again. That they just need to be stronger. Again. That they don’t know what’s happening to their bodies. Again.

So many women look for support and get told a blood test will tell them if they're in menopause (it won’t). Oh, sorry, your hormones are fine. Not there yet. 

Get told they have to wait to take MHT until after their period stops (you don’t). Oh, sorry, you’ll have to wait a few more years. Not there yet. 

We think we don’t have time to address menopause, a medical system that continually fails us, a society that expects too much of us, family that relies too heavily on us, our symptoms, our depression, ourselves.

But, in reality we don’t have time not to.

I'm being really vocal about being in perimenopause, obvs. I talk to friends, acquaintances, and strangers about it. I write this blog. I ask medical professionals and tell everyone the latest book I’m reading on the subject — speaking of, read Perimenopause Power by Maisie Hill right now. 

I think that’s the right thing to do. Even when it's uncomfortable. Even when people don't know what to say. I’m a writer and a talker and a networker so I’m gonna use those skills to fight this fight.

Other resources:

Book: What Fresh Hell is This? By Heather Corinna

Human: Julie Parana, The Menopause OT

Website: The British Menopause Society