Perimenopause is NOT My Friend Episode 11: All the Rest
Episode 10 covered the procedures and the estrogen saga. This one's about everything else — supplements, my body, and how I'm actually doing with all of it.
On the gel, I barely ever had a night sweat or a hot flash. On the patch, they sneak in more often — especially if it isn't well secured, has come off and I forgot to replace it, or has gone too many days. The other day I forgot to put a patch on for two days, and the migraines came back. The hot flashes came back. The night sweats, the mood swings, the depression, the anxiety — all of it came back, to such an extent that I will never forget again. I wonder, at some point down the road, whether I'd try going off estrogen therapy just to see if I still need it. How many years into menopause would I be willing to test that?
The moral of the estrogen story: if I stick to the regimen and keep a healthy supply flowing through my body, my symptoms actually do go away. I still have brittle nails, dry hair, eczema, word recall issues, joint and muscle pain, inconsistent sleep, and a general intolerance for bullshit, but all of that feels manageable now with real hormone therapy.
Other updates on the menopause front
I stopped taking maca root, black cohosh, and other fun Black Magic supplements thanks to moving onto the MHT big dogs. I'm still taking vitamin D for bone density — both in capsules and liquid with vitamin K. I take vitamin B to help with the brain fog and mood instability.
And I'm also still on 25 mg of Zoloft for depression, though I'll be working with my psychiatrist to taper off after this summer. Two months of traveling, seeing family (including in-laws), and being out of my regular routine and space made my shrink wisely suggest I stay on it until I'm back in my home and my regular calendar. Our shared belief is that the Zoloft helped get my head above water during the triage period of this debacle, but may not be necessary now that I'm on MHT.
I do question whether I should bring shilajit back in, since one of its supposed benefits is to increase or maintain sex drive, and mine has definitely waned. I say supposed because shilajit is almost in witchcraft territory. Not widely tested, definitely not backed by science, but that doesn't mean I discredit it. I love me some good witchcraft.
But here's the more honest answer: as my psychiatrist pointed out, my sex drive may have more to do with the fact that when I started working on my hormones in a focused way, I let my physical fitness and health fall to the wayside. I gained 20 pounds over the course of this journey — some of it the hormone imbalance and the metabolism slowdown that comes with it, but a lot of it just not moving my body and not paying attention to what I was eating.
The actual number on the scale doesn't concern me, but the way I feel in my body does. Fewer workout dopamine hits. Lower sex drive. Not looking as healthy. Less interest in exposing my naked body.
Six weeks ago, I hired a health coach to get back on a path that makes the aging process a little less painful. Looking better naked never hurt either.
With Kalina's help, I'm looking at what I'm eating again, making exercise a regular part of my week, and moving my body throughout the day. I even got a walking pad so I can walk while I work.
I'm just generally becoming more aware of what I'm putting into my body and how I'm moving it. They say building muscle and maintaining bone density are two of the most important pieces of physical fitness in menopause, and Kalina is helping me get back on that horse. More about her in a future post. But, if you're looking for a great health coach with a huge heart, a lot of knowledge, and check-ins you actually look forward to — book with her now before her roster fills up.
What this all means
I'm hopeful. And I want you to be hopeful too.
If you go back through Perimenopause Is Not My Friend, Episodes 1 through 9, there's not a ton of hope in there. Well, there's always a little, because I'm a life coach and I'm me, and I can't help but have hope. But there was also a lot of overwhelm.
I've gotten to a point now where the overwhelm has shifted into something I maintain rather than something that consumes me. I imagine this is akin to what it feels like to live with a condition you manage, like an autoimmune disease — not that I'm comparing the natural process of menopause to a disease, but it is still a chronic condition that has to be managed.
I'm in a good place with it. I feel relieved to be able to write about it here, and connected to my tribe of women every time I open my mouth and talk about it. The relief women express when I start talking frankly about all the indignities of perimenopause is palpable, and for that, I'm really thankful for this experience.
Going through perimenopause while my daughter goes through puberty has also helped us both be more understanding of hormones, and it's helped my husband too. Hormones are talked about a lot in our household — excused, understood more than tolerated, and, dare I say, embraced as part of being beautiful, messy humans.
So, do I wish we lived in a world where having a vagina didn't mean so many phases of confusion, maintenance, indignity, and discontent? Yes. But do I also really love being a vagina-haver, and experiencing the fullness that it is? Also yes.
To all my vagina-havers out there: have hope. And if you need a pick-me-up, reach out.
