Stop Telling Me to Lean In

I recently had a conversation with a client about the overwhelm so many mothers feel—especially those of us who are also entrepreneurs. We were talking about this pressure we’ve internalized: the idea that we should be able to “do it all.” Build a business. Raise kids. Be a good wife (whatever the hell that even means). Maintain a home. Be present. Stay ambitious. Stay grateful. Hit milestones. Grow endlessly.

And the truth we came back to, again and again, is this:

We cannot do it all.

Not because we’re not capable. Not because we’re not disciplined enough. But because it is literally, logistically, physically impossible.

Yet we’ve been fed a very different narrative.

We see highly visible examples—Sheryl Sandberg, Ivanka Trump, Kim Kardashian, Gwyneth Paltrow, Meghan Markle, and countless others—women who appear to “have it all” and who encourage other women to do the same.

But there’s an enormous, invisible factor behind their success: Help. Lots of help.

They have:

• Personal assistants

• Nannies

• Housekeepers

• Drivers

• Teams of employees

• Money that buys time, support, and flexibility

Most mothers do not have access to that level of support. For many of us, hiring help isn’t practical—or even possible. Which means we are comparing our capacity to someone whose life is structured entirely differently.

So we end up feeling like we’re failing at a version of success that was never designed for us.

This is why it’s so helpful for us to be gentle with ourselves and realistic about what we can accomplish in any given season of motherhood, womanhood, and entrepreneurship. It’s great to believe in yourself and hold big goals—but without a grounding in practicality, ambition becomes a source of shame instead of empowerment.

And, I don’t know about you, but there is too much shaming women already going on in this world. No need for us all to contribute to it. 

A Practical Exercise for Overwhelmed Entrepreneur Moms.

Grab a piece of paper, a notebook, or a Google spreadsheet, and create three columns:

1. Money

List the things in your business that make money—especially the ones that make money easily.

Think about:

• Return on investment

• Time required

• What people already pay you for

• What consistently performs well

• What people recommend you for

Don’t overthink. This column is strictly about financial return.

2. Fulfillment

Next, list the things that light you up. These may or may not make money right now—but they feed you creatively, emotionally, or spiritually.

Think:

• The work that feels meaningful

• The type of clients you love

• Activities that energize you instead of draining you

• The things you do that make time fly by

• What you want to be recommended for

This column protects the “why” behind your business.

3. Neither

Finally, list everything else. Yes—everything else that has to do with your business.

Tasks that drain you, projects that take too long, offerings that don’t pay off, obligations that you feel you “should” do but don’t actually serve your business or your wellbeing, obligations you must do, administrative things that keep the wheels turning.

Make this list as brutally honest as possible.

Then? Rearrange. Cross Out. Rewrite. Refine.

Move items around. Cross things off. Let yourself be surprised by what lands where.

If it’s a time of overwhelm, the most important piece is to simplify. Wherever possible. 

Simp. Li. Fy.

Once you have a clearer picture of your business, ask yourself three key questions:

1. What is the ONE thing in the Money column I’m going to focus on to generate income with the time I actually have?

2. What is the ONE thing in the Fulfillment column I’m going to commit to so my work continues to nourish me?

3. What is the ONE thing I must do in the Neither column to keep this clock ticking? 

Because here’s the truth many of us discover the hard way:

The thing that makes the money is not always the thing that feels fulfilling. And if you ignore the fulfillment piece, the money-making work will eventually drain you.

But if you only do fulfilling work without acknowledging your financial reality, the business won’t sustain you.

And if you ignore the basic business mechanics, all the pieces can’t come together.

You need all three—but only in small, intentional, realistic doses.

You don’t need to do it all.

You only need to do the right things for this season of your life.